How to Get a Toddler to Listen: 12 Tips Without Yelling

To get a toddler to listen, change how you give the instruction, not how loudly. Get close and get their eyes first. Say one short step, as a statement rather than a question. Show it with your hands, then wait a few seconds before you repeat it once. If they still don’t do it, help them do it. When they do it, notice out loud. That’s the whole method, and it matches the CDC’s steps for giving directions to toddlers. Below it’s broken into 12 tips: what to do before you speak, while you speak and after.

This post is about the instruction itself. For what to do once a two-year-old has already hit, refused or run off, see my toddler discipline moves. For a child who’s past listening and into a meltdown, start with how to calm a toddler.

Before you speak (1–3)

1. Get their attention first. Walk over, crouch to their level, say their name, and wait until they look at you. The CDC’s first step for giving directions is exactly this: get close, make eye contact, use their name. An instruction called from the next room is background noise to a toddler busy with a puzzle.
2. Touch before talk. A hand on the shoulder, or kneeling beside the block tower and admiring it for five seconds. Joining in with what they’re doing gets their attention more easily than interrupting it.
3. Check it’s a request they can actually do. The CDC points out that not being able to do something is not the same as disobedience. A two-year-old can take your hand at the curb but can’t tidy a whole playroom. “Put the cars in the box” is doable. “Clean up your room” isn’t.

While you say it (4–8)

4. Make it a statement, not a question. “Shoes on now” rather than “Can you put your shoes on?” A question invites a no, and toddlers love to say no. The CDC recommends statements for exactly that reason. Saying “please” is fine. The question mark is the problem.
5. One step at a time. “Get your shoes.” Wait. “Bring them to me.” Wait. Toddlers have short attention spans, and a three-part instruction usually gets just the last part done. At 18 months, following a one-step direction without gestures is a CDC milestone, so one step is the right size.
6. Say what to do, not what to stop. “Walk, please” works better than “Stop running.” “No running” leaves them to work out what the right thing to do is. My discipline post covers this one in more depth.
7. Show it while you say it. Point at the shoes. Mime putting the cup on the table. The CDC suggests adding gestures, and for a toddler who’s still learning words, the gesture often does more than the sentence.
8. Use a quiet voice. Calm and firm, not pleading and not yelling. A low voice makes them stop to hear you. The AAP is clear that yelling doesn’t work and that harsh words can lead to more misbehavior. And a child who learns you mean it only at full volume will wait for full volume.

After you say it (9–10)

9. Count to five in your head, then say it once more. Toddlers process slowly. Repeating straight away, louder, interrupts them just as they’re about to do it. If they still haven’t moved after the second time, follow through calmly. The CDC’s steps say to repeat the direction once and then follow through with what you said would happen.
10. Help them do it, calmly. “Let’s do it together.” Walk them to the shoes, hand them one, guide their hands to the box. The instruction gets done, nobody shouts, and they learn that what you say happens. No lecture needed.

Make listening easier all day (11–12)

11. Warn before you switch. “Two more slides, then home.” Transitions are where most not-listening happens, and a warning that counts things (slides, books, bites) works better than minutes before about three. For older toddlers, a visual timer like the Time Timer shows “time’s up” as a red wedge shrinking away, which they can see without telling the time.
12. Notice the listening, and practise it as a game. “You put your cup on the table the first time I asked!” The AAP calls attention “the most powerful tool for effective discipline” and says to “catch them being good.” Then play listening games when nobody’s in trouble: “Simon says”, “ready, set… go” with a ball, or freeze dance from my activities for 2 year olds. The skill is the same; the stakes are zero.

Fewer instructions, more listening

Count the instructions you give in one ordinary hour. It’s often dozens, and most of them don’t matter. The AAP’s advice is to have clear and consistent rules your child can follow. Toddlers learn more from a few that always happen than from many that sometimes do. Drop the small stuff, make sure the important ones happen every time, and the important ones get heard.

And look at the clock. A toddler who’s hungry, overtired or coming off a short nap listens to almost nothing. If the hour before dinner is always the worst, that’s timing more than behaviour. Betteroo’s guide to what most two-year-olds can understand and do is a useful check on what’s fair to expect.

Not listening, or running on empty? Tired toddlers tune out first. Betteroo builds a nap-and-bedtime plan around your child's age in about two minutes. Take the 2-minute sleep quiz →

FAQ: getting a toddler to listen

Why won’t my 2 year old listen to me?

Usually it’s because of how the instruction arrived, not defiance. It was called from across the room, asked as a question, had three steps, or came in the middle of something fun. Being tired or hungry makes all of that worse. Fix the delivery first.

How do I get my toddler to listen without yelling?

Get close and get their eyes, say one short step calmly as a statement, wait, repeat once, then help them do it. A quiet voice they have to stop to hear works better than a loud one they learn to wait for.

Is it normal for a toddler to ignore their name?

Some ignoring is normal when they’re absorbed in play. But if your toddler rarely turns when you call their name, doesn’t seem to follow simple instructions without gestures by around 18 months, or you have any doubt about their hearing, mention it to your pediatrician. The CDC’s milestone checklists are a good way to bring it up.

Do time-outs help a toddler listen?

They help with stopping a behavior, not with following an instruction. For an instruction, following through by helping them do it teaches more. My discipline post covers how to do short time-outs.